Today I had a vision. it was about my utopia. perfect friends, good grades, better skating skills, perfect parent the list goes on and on. I reconsider how I would feel if my life was actually this fantasy world. I return from day dreaming to discover that what I thought was my utopia, was the opposite of my reality. I realize that the utopia of a normal person somewhat differs from their reality, but mine is the exact opposite. In fact, my reality would be considered the dystopia of my imagination. I envision perfection, when I only have imperfection. I dream of happiness, when I am only filled with depression. a combination of depression, insanity, non-clarity, and daydreaming whilst I am failing at one of my many obstacles, my geometry test, leads to my ultimate dystopia.I am experiencing excess in action and immoderate indulgence of my bodily appetites, especially in passion. I have seem to lack passion about many things now. drama, dance, skating, friends, all meaningless in the state of reality......
Yes I could keep ranting about my despair and ultimate doom and downfall, but i have another story that concludes the first one and sounds way less emo. so....
I spoke to an acquaintance of mine and we came to a realization. I was ranting to him bout this girl that didn't like me the same way I like her. She was judging me, and I was very angry at her because she didn't understand me. so my friend considers breaking into the almost lover's house and destroying things somewhere along the lines of...EVERYTHING. But I looked closer at the situation, and said to myself "in 2 years i am going to forget about all of this, in 90. I will hopefully be dead, and I wouldn't care less, because I will be reincarnated into someone else, hopefully with a better life and relationship with his mother. The bottom line to this journal, and my new philosophy.....
"Everything that happens during my life is petty and unimportant"
Think about it, if I go and drop out of school, and do what I want to do without any regard for authority whatsoever, it would change NOTHING AT ALL. over the course of history, the little children wont read in their little history books about me doing what I feel like doing, hopefully they will follow my path and not be reading at all. unless they enjoy this, but that's off point.
If I do what I want, it wont change anything not effecting anyone else except me. so, I should be able to smoke weed, and live my live without people judging me about it.

Sidenote: yes this is pointed to one specific person, and if you are reading this, you know who you are. I apologize if this hurts your feelings, but like smoking weed, you're feelings aren't that important. sorry its true, that's really harsh.
i =sorry
<3